Today I am sharing my story of navigating mental illness while working in the service industry. I am not unique. Unfortunately, mental illness and substance abuse are extremely common in hospitality. I want my struggles to be an example of a normal person trying (daily) to keep pushing forward despite the setbacks that come with mental illness. We are constantly bombarded with hustle culture on every platform. We have a skewed sense of self-worth and what it means to be successful.

I am thirty-five years old, I’m not a billionaire, I have less than 300 followers on Instagram, I have mental illness, I do not have a beautifully curated home and not one of those things matters. I want to normalize being normal and share free systems and structures I’ve implemented in my life that keep my mental health in check. I want to help people care for themselves while growing their career in the service industry.

Self-care can feel overwhelming and expensive, but it doesn’t have to. Small changes add up to big changes and become second nature. Self-care does not need to be beautifully curated or documented to be impactful. My hope is that people can take away a few small tactics and implement them into their daily routine. I also want people who read this to understand that healing is not linear, and you can’t give up when the bottom falls out. You must keep moving forward even if it’s a crawl.

My struggles with mental health began at a very young age. I was diagnosed (and misdiagnosed) with everything from ADHD, depression, anxiety, personality disorder etc. I performed poorly in school, had little to no emotional regulation, intense tactile and visual phobias and violent outbursts over everyday tasks. 

My symptoms continued to get more severe as I got older. I hated high school. I had zero self-confidence and horrible social anxiety.  I was surrounded by people I had nothing in common with and i found it difficult to want to make friends.

After barely graduating, I moved to Chicago to go to art school. Unfortunately,  My mental health plummeted even further, I was having nightly sleep paralysis, auditory hallucinations and I developed an ulcer from stress. Taking care of my basic human needs seemed like an impossible task. I started medicating with alcohol. I would black out often. My social anxiety and imposter syndrome were at an all time high. I was going to school with kids from New York who went to MOMA on a weekly basis. My high school art program was taught by the football coach. I was so terrified of being found out as a fraud.

I didn’t have money to buy the right materials for class so I would often skip. I barley had money for food, this led to me developing an eating disorder. I was always afraid of not having food, so when i did have food, i would binge. This caused significant weight fluctuations and health issues. There were many “rock bottom” moments but I lacked the ability to pull myself out, the drinking continued, and my ground hog day existence continued to beat me down. In 2011, I found myself more alone than I’ve ever been. I lost friends due to my erratic behavior and drinking.  I had nothing left, no motivation, no hope, no goals, no friends. Nothing.

I didn’t know where to turn or what my next step was supposed to be. I started walking to a coffee shop every day. I would sit in there for hours scouring the internet for work. Finally, I found a part time position at a law firm downtown. The position paid ten dollars an hour and my only responsibility was to enter attorney time sheets Monday, Wednesday Friday. While this sounds like actual torture, I noticed that my self- confidence started to improve. I had somewhere to be, people counted on me to show up. That felt good. The job eventually turned into a full-time position and my life continued to slowly improve. I started taking better care of myself.

I stayed at that firm for about a year then moved to another firm down the street. The new firm was huge with over six hundred employees. This place was a factory, and my job was essential. My newfound confidence led me to take on a second job. I started waiting tables at a Pizza place called Pizanos after the law firm. I was constantly busy; I was making friends and was making more money than I ever had before. I was 100% independent, and it was the best feeling in the world. I loved working in the service industry, the fast pace made my anxiety disappear because there was no time to be anxious. 

I was able to keep this up for about a year before my depression came back in full force. It was like I got hit by a bus.  After a few months of trying to deal, I decided to move back to Dallas. I don’t really know why. I think I was in such a poor state of mind I just decided on a whim and before I knew it, I was back at square one, living with my parents.

Again i found myself lost. I went out looking for service industry jobs. I was hired at a new concept on Lowest Greenville. I quickly realized that the Dallas service industry was a different animal. These people were wild. naturally, I fit right in. My drinking picked back up and I spent many nights blacked out at The Blind Butcher.  I was (and still am) an annoying drunk. I’m shocked people wanted to hang out with me.

Despite the toxic drinking habits, I did manage to make a lot of great friends, most of whom I still talk to today. I stayed with that restaurant group for about two years.  My mental health ebbed and flowed, and I was able to keep myself mostly above water with medication. I was drinking a lot, that “helped” me numb out and quiet the anxiety. I didn’t fully understand how much of a ticking time bomb I was.

In 2016, I had a complete mental breakdown. I had left the service industry and started working in law firms again. I was at my desk and all the sudden I started shaking, I couldn’t breathe, and I was sure that I was about to die. I crawled into the copier room and sobbed on the floor. I was so humiliated and terrified. After about 30 minutes, I was able to get myself to the emergency room. I was having a psychotic episode.  I was hearing voices telling me I needed to run away, from my boyfriend, from my life, everything. It was telling me I needed to disappear before I hurt anyone. It was telling me my entire life was a mistake and every decision I made was the wrong one. It was like having an abusive person screaming at you non-stop. The voices had never been this loud before and I felt like my mind was betraying me. I didn’t know who the voice belonged to. Was it God? Was it satan? Was it my voice? Who was it? It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life.

I’d like to tell you that I was able to find a medication combination that turned everything around, but that’s not the case. When this happened, it sent me down a path of hopelessness. I was in a therapist’s office twice a week and my psychiatrist once a week. The medication kept me numb and quieted the voices but did not eliminate them. This went on for months. I couldn’t work. My life consisted of medication, therapy, sleep and being terrified.

One afternoon, I told myself I had to start working again. I don’t know what made me do it, but I got up, got dressed, got in my car and just started driving. I drove to a restaurant that was way above my skill set but I guess I didn’t care. I got hired that day. Working for that restaurant saved my mental health and life. Working there made me into the best server I’ve ever been. This was the last job I had before going to work with my boyfriend (now husband) at the bar he opened. I learned more at that job than any job I’ve ever had. It made me think about hospitality in a totally different way. Some of the experiences were off the wall and toxic but I still learned a lot about the industry.

A few years later I  finally received an accurate diagnosis, I found the right combination of medication and therapy, I redefined my relationship with alcohol through several detoxes and sober curious experimentation and created a fitness routine that I’ve been able to maintain for over two years. I know that life can feel hopeless, and I know that many people who read this will have suffered way more than I have. The only secret to getting through it is that there is no secret, you just have to keep pushing. It doesn’t have to look pretty, it doesn’t have to feel good, you just can’t stop. There is always a way forward.

Around 2018 is when I started to focus on making positive lifestyle changes to support my mental health. I’ve put together a list of free ways to support your mental health. I have tried all of these and practice most of them daily. I would find one or two things you think you could stick to and try to do them every day for 21 days. You will forget and you will mess up; that’s totally fine, just pick up again the next day.

List of 20 free things I practice to support my mental health:

1.     Limit social media. i do not believe social media is all bad, however, too much content consumption can lead to doom scrolling and can cause you to feel empty, depressed and comparing yourself to fictional narratives and imagery. Nothing on social media is real and it easy to compare yourself to the content you consume. I’ve found that reducing my screen time radically improves my mental state. 

 Some ways to help you reduce screen time:

-       Keep your phone out of the bedroom at night. Do not plug it in next to your face. Get a real alarm clock.

-       Download an app that kicks you out of social media after a certain amount of time.

-       Whenever you get the urge to pick up your phone to get on social media, open you notes app and start writing instead. It doesn’t matter what you write. Write about your day, your feelings, a grocery list. Anything is better than mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. If you don’t want to write, read. Read the news, read a book, download the Kindle app on your phone or Audible.

-        Go cold turkey and delete social media for a few days and see how much better you feel. 

-   If you love scrolling, only do it while you are doing something productive. For example, only scroll if you are on a walk.

2.     Move your body. There is no way around this. When you are moving your body, your mental health improves. Always. there are things that you need to be aware of if you have suffered from eating disorders, fitness addictions, body dysmorphia etc. You do not want to overwork your body, punish your body, have the “earn your food” mindset.

Moving your body for the sake of strengthening your body and supporting your mental health is the type of movement I am talking about. There are so many ways to work out and you do not need a fancy gym membership to get an effective workout.

My fitness journey really began when I found out I was pregnant. I was dealing with a lot of issues (thyroid dysfunctions, hormone imbalances, medication side effects etc.) that had caused me to gain eighty pounds prior to getting pregnant. I knew that I had to figure out how to get healthy for me and my baby.

I started with 10-minute yoga flows in the entry way of my house. That turned into 20-minute yoga flows followed but a 20-minute walk, which led to body weight strength workouts and so on and so forth until I was walking seven miles a day at 30 weeks pregnant.

Something that I think we forget is that every habit starts somewhere, and you must build upon those small steps to create lasting change. I tend to be an “all or nothing” type person and that is the enemy of progress. You do not have to wait until you can afford an Equinox membership, you do not need a $300 fit from Alo, and you do not need a Stanley water bottle. All those things are distractions that keep us from moving forward. I can’t tell you how many workouts I’ve missed out on because I thought I needed some bullshit thing to make it happen. We need to get out of our own way and start.  Here are some example circuits you can do at home with three feet of space that require zero equipment. I have done all of these in my house, and each is super effective.

4X20 Lunges

4X20 Sit Ups

4X20 Squats

4X20 Donkey Kicks

4X20 Fire Hydrants

4X12 Burpees

4X12 Jumping Squats

4X12 Knee Push Ups

4X12 Lunge, Lunge, Jumping Squat

30-Second-High Knees

4X12 Curtsy Squats

4X40 Arm Circle Forward

4X40 Arm Circle Backward

4X50 Jumping Jacks

Since I started focusing on daily movement, my fitness routine has evolved into a practice that I never want to miss. I no longer dread a workout. There are many reasons for this mindset shift, but the most powerful reason is because I stopped approaching exercise solely as a form of weight loss.

When I was pregnant, I obviously wasn’t trying to lose weight. I was moving my body to support my physical and mental health and the health of my baby. Aesthetics was the farthest thing from my mind. This was groundbreaking for my mental health. We live in a society that assigns value based on the size, shape and color of your body. While there has been a lot of positive change, Millennials cannot deny the impact of growing up with anorexic teen starlets, low carb diets and constant body shaming of people in the media had on us. It is ingrained in us whether we are aware of it or not. I suffered from eating disorders and body dysmorphia for years and still struggle with it today. I always looked at exercise as a form of punishment for overeating or being too big. When the weight portion of the equation was taken away, exercise became cathartic and I found myself wanting to take on physical challenges in the gym to better myself, not to punish myself. If you struggle with the idea of exercise as punishment rather than nourishment, there are two things I suggest you do immediately:

-       Throw out your scale. Weight matters to an extent, but unless you are massively over or underweight, (which varies from person to person and should only be determined by you and your doctor) you do not need to be focusing on the number on the scale. It can derail your entire day and cause way more harm than good. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with wanting to lose or gain weight if that is what your body needs. But I do think most people out there have a negative relationship with the scale and the best way to remedy that in the short term is to eliminate it. There is a lot of work that can be done through therapy to change this negative connotation with weight but if you cannot afford a therapist and stepping on the scale sends you into a tailspin, throw it away. And remember, how much you weigh and what your body looks like are literally the least interesting things about you.

-       Get off social media. As if I haven’t made this clear already, get off social media. I know we all think we are impervious to comparison but that is not true. Everything on social media is fake. Even the stuff you post is fake. You are never going to post a photo of yourself that isn’t at your best angle, best lighting etc. We are all contributing to artificial standards that exist online. If you are not ready to give up social media, unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. 

3.     Optimize your diet. This is so simple. Garbage in, garbage out. I do not like using the word healthy because it means different things to different people. What I will say is that when I am eating whole foods that do not come out of a package, my mental health is better. Eating nourishing food does not require shopping at Whole Foods. Aldi has apples, Kroger has kale. You do not need to flawlessly execute a 12-step meal prep and you certainly do not have to buy gimmicky “health” food. As service industry workers we eat a lot of our meals standing up and or grabbing something fast and cheap before work. We need to stop doing that. Our health is wealth, and we should respect that.

Meal prep can be as simple as a protein, veggie and carb. Find a seasoning blend you like, cook everything in ghee and you are done. Meal prep is also going to save you a ton of money. I know that I used to spend at least $30 dollars before my shifts walking across the parking lot to Central Market. That is so dumb. There is also a lot of science behind seed oils and inflammation in the body. We know that inflammation can cause all kinds of discomfort, disease and general health problems. Most restaurants cook with seed oils. I would urge you to stop getting your meals from work. I am not demonizing restaurants (I own restaurants and we use canola oil) but eating every meal cooked in canola oil is not good for your health. Cooking your meals at home will allow you to use high quality fats so you know exactly what is going into your body.

Always eat a meal before you go to work. I cannot stress this enough. Unfortunately, you never know when or if you are going to get a break and when your blood sugar drops, performing simple tasks becomes more challenging. You might think that doesn’t apply to you, but if you are a human it applies to you. You want to make sure you are eating enough calories and enough good fats to keep you focused.  When I started focusing on eating more natural fats my focus improved tremendously and I was able to stay full for long periods of time. Bottom line, eat whole foods, try to limit seed oils and packaged foods, eat enough and consume a good amount of natural fats.

4.     Stop drinking energy drinks. This one pains me to write because I love it so much… stop drinking energy drinks. I know there is nothing better than Sugar free Red Bull but it is so bad for your nervous system. Here is how I weaned myself off Red Bull. Start small, swap out Red Bull for Diet Coke. I know this sounds ridiculous, but Diet Coke has less caffeine than Red Bull. Once you do that, start replacing one Diet Coke with sparkling water and one Excedrin (Don’t take more than two Excedrin a day). Then cut out the Excedrin. Once you are on sparkling water, try to swap two of those out for still water. Some of you are going to read this and be disgusted, totally understandable, but for those of you who hate water, like me, you will understand my psychosis.  I know this is not doctor approved, but it works.

5.     Hydration. I am constantly dehydrated. Every time I’ve been to the hospital for mental health related issues I have been chronically dehydrated. I hate water. I know, only garbage people hate water, and I am one of those people. Unfortunately, you must stay hydrated. It is so bad for your body to get dehydrated. I have to force myself to drink water every day. If you hate water, here are some ways to make water more interesting:

-       Use a lot, like an annoying amount of citrus and fruit in the water. It’s nice to freeze chunks of pineapple or mango and use them as ice.

-       I also like to put chlorophyll drops in my water along with apple cider vinegar and ginger. You can find liquid chlorophyll at Whole Foods (not technically free but the cost is minimal).

-       I also like LMNT. (Again, not free) It is very salty. If you are not a salty girl, stay away. But if you like salt, LMNT packets are the best electrolytes you can buy. They are on the pricier side, but you can buy them in bulk on Amazon. They also have magnesium in them which is great for daily bowel movements and sleep.

6.     Journaling. I used to think journaling was so stupid and such a waste of time. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’ve come to believe that journaling is almost as good as actual talk therapy. Talk therapy is expensive and if you cannot afford it, get a journal and start documenting how you feel. It does not have to be poetic; it doesn’t even have to be grammatically correct. A journal can literally be a daily log of how you feel, mentally, physically and emotionally and you can write it on a napkin if you want. Again, you don’t need a Moleskin journal. If you do go to therapy, a journal is a great addition to your session. A lot of times I walk into a session and completely forget everything I wanted to talk about. If you have a journal, you can reference it and make your therapy sessions more effective.

7.     Alcohol. This is probably the most important practice I’ve implemented. Stop or significantly reduce alcohol intake. I know, it sucks. I love alcohol. Like, really love it. But the reality is that I’ve never been in a good mental space when I was drinking heavily. I am not sober, but I have been sober curious since 2018. I have completed several detoxes and it’s been a positive experience every single time. I know this can be exceptionally difficult in the service industry, here are some things I did to make drinking less a little easier:

-       Mocktails. Mocktails are great and there is a huge n/a movement right now. There are so many great n/a products to choose from. Two of my go-to mocktails are:

Bartenders Nightmare

Muddled jalapeno

Muddled mint

Tajin Rim

Tons of Ice

Topo Chico

Splash of cranberry

Lemon wedge

In a wine glass with a straw

SOBER WASP

Muddled mint

Tonic

Splash of grapefruit

Tajin rim

 Lots of ice

Lime wedge

-       Make your home and nightly routine too good to miss. Before you go to your PM shift, lay out everything you need for a great nighttime routine. Have your favorite meal prepped in the fridge, put out all your skin care on your counter so its readily available, lay out your favorite pajamas, book and or tv show. Romanticize your nighttime routine so much that you can’t think of missing it.

-       Remember, alcohol will always be there. You are not missing out on anything.

-       Schedule and pre-pay for an early workout.

-       Schedule breakfast with a friend or family member.

-       Read the book Quit Like A Woman (even if you are a man) It’s a great book about alcohol consumption and getting sober that puts a lot of things into perspective about our relationship with alcohol.

-    Explore other ways of relaxing. There are several adaptogen brands now that are catering to the sober curious movement. Some that I’ve tried and liked are Magic Mind and Botanic Tonics (this does have Kava in it so ask your doctor before using especially if you are on medication).

-       Keep track of how much money you save every time you do not go out after work. It will blow your mind. Use that money to save up for something you really want.

-       If you are going to go out and drink, order intentionally. If I’m going to drink, I want to drink something I’m really going to enjoy even if it does have more sugar. Drinking should be enjoyable if you choose to partake.

-       Become a morning person. This is something I still struggle with but when I get up early my day is 50% better. Use this time to have coffee, meditate, read, clean your house, exercise. I promise you, becoming a morning person is so worth getting in bed early. Obviously, we are in the service industry and sometimes we don’t get home until very late. Don’t set your alarm for five if you get in bed at one. Be realistic. Wake up at a reasonably early time for you.

-       Like journaling, keep a log of how you feel without alcohol. The first few days or weeks might be difficult, write it down. As you continue not drinking, the journal entries will become more positive and it’s encouraging to see the progression.

-       Do not put yourself in tempting situations. If you are really dedicated to not drinking, eliminate temptation. If you are a die-hard patio day drinker, stay away from patios for a few weeks, if you have a lot of booze in the house, give it away to friends or throw it away. The best way to not do something is to not have it readily available.

-       Get an accountability group. Text your friends about your goals and keep them updated on your progress. Your friends want to see you do well and it is a great way to stay on track.

8.     Swap out television for reading. I absolutely love garbage television. Housewives, Kardashians, Summer House… if it’s on Bravo, I watch it. While it is totally fine to HAVE vices and “guilty” pleasures, you can go overboard, and it can become soul sucking. Recently, I’ve been trying to read instead of consuming television. The less television I watch, the calmer I am. In the past, I’ve used television to numb out. I am no longer in a place where I want to check out of my life. I think that is why I am not as invested television as I once was. Reading has given me something to look forward to at night. You don’t have to read books you are not interested in; one of the first books a read a few years ago when I started this whole thing was Jessica Simpsons biography. Read books you want to finish. If you start a book and don’t like it, you do not have to finish it. If you are like me, you probably own a bunch of books you’ve never opened. Start with those. I think you will be shocked by how much you enjoy it.

9.     Volunteer. My therapists always suggests this to me when I’m at my lowest. Helping others gets you out of your own head. It is a very effective way to quiet anxiety for a few hours. Find an organization you are passionate about and volunteer once a week, month etc.

10.  cOMMUNITY. Get involved in a community outside of your restaurant. There are so many groups out there, whether it be a community center, a running club, a book club, a church. Expanding your social circle and making friends with non-service industry people can seem challenging, and it can be but it’s worth doing. I think a lot of people became islands during the pandemic and never put themselves back out there. We need friends and community to thrive. Loneliness is terrible for mental health and has horrible effects on the body.

11.  Get outside. Being outside is great for your mental health. You should try to get natural sunlight directly in your eyes every day. Andrew Huberman talks about this all the time on his podcast. It stabilizes mood and helps regulate your circadian rhythm.

12.  Get up and get dressed every day (even off days). People are going to read this and call me a hypocrite. They aren’t wrong. I have only recently been putting this into practice on a regular basis. I used to look like I’d been shot out of a cannon most days. I wasn’t doing myself any favors. Getting dressed is almost as powerful as Welbutrin. When I shower and blow dry my hair, I feel 90% better. Immediately. I know that when your mental health is not great, getting dressed can seem like an insurmountable task. Trust me, I’ve been there. If I could give someone who is struggling one piece of advice it would be to get up and get dressed the second you wake up. You don’t have to do your make up and put on a perfectly curated outfit. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Brush your hair. Put on sunscreen. Put on deodorant. Doing those things will make you feel so much better. I know it isn’t groundbreaking information, but it really is very powerful.

13.  Remember that you are the curator of your life. When I am at my lowest, some of the negative thoughts and voices try to convince me that I cannot do what I want to do; that I am trapped by fictitious limitations created by my anxiety and mental illness. You must fight back when those thoughts creep into your mind. It’s not true, it couldn’t be further from the truth. You are in control of your life; you can change your life. Nothing is permanent and if something is no longer serving you, eliminate it. Do not settle for a life that is less than what you truly want. Do you hate your job? Get another one. Hate your city? Move. Outgrow your partner? End the relationship. I think that so many people feel like they “have” to do certain things in life for one reason or another. It’s all bullshit. It doesn’t matter where you are from, what you’ve been through, the trauma you’ve experienced; you can shape your life into exactly what you want. There is a section of society that will tell you to blame others for your circumstances and that you will always be a certain way because of your trauma. That is a lie. You have the power to change the trajectory of your life no matter what. I remind myself of this daily.

14.  Stop making yourself smaller to fit into other people’s narrative. This sounds extremely trite but it’s true; be yourself. Trying to be someone else is so exhausting and for what? For so many years I felt like I had to be “on” all the time. Trying to entertain people or make people laugh. It was awful and such a waste of time. Be exactly who you are. People can pick up on inauthenticity and desperate energy. Its unattractive and annoying. Be who you are unapologetically. When you are trying to be someone else or an inflated (or deflated) version of yourself, you are constantly trying to keep up something that is unnatural. When you start acting exactly like the person you are, a layer of anxiety goes away. I promise.

15.  Practice overly positive self-talk. You spend your entire life listening to your internal dialogue. Make it positive. Whenever I need a confidence boost, I think to myself “how would Beyonce walk into this room” or “How would Kim Kardashian handle this situation” or “Would Rosalia tolerate this kind of behavior”. Pick your powerful person and try and emulate them. It sounds stupid, but it works.

When I was waiting tables for the first time, I would get nervous every time I’d walk up to greet a new table. As I walked towards the table, I would ask myself “Would Frank Ocean (was obsessed with him in 2012) or Chance the Rapper give two fucks about what strangers think of them”. Absolutely not. Why should I? I know how silly this sounds. I get it. But it’s so powerful. Complimenting yourself and reciting daily affirmations is also so powerful. Your thoughts become your core beliefs and your core beliefs become your reality. Make sure your thoughts align with your goals.

16.  Be uncomfortably honest. I am talking about white lies, seemingly harmless half-truths. Eliminate it. Dishonesty is TERRIBLE and it permeates our society. Be so honest with people that it is almost problematic. Stop pretending to be happy for your friends who continue to make horrible choices. You are going to lose surface friends when you start doing this, which is also a positive thing. You want to be an honest person and you only want honest people in your life. When I was in the tHICK of my drinking and erratic behavior, I told lies because I was ashamed of myself and my behavior. It was one of the most toxic character traits I’ve ever had.

Eliminate dishonesty in all areas of your life. If someone asks you what you think about something, tell them what you really think. You don’t have to be an asshole about it, but you do have to be honest. So many people embellish the truth to make themselves seem more impressive. Its desperate behavior. Be honest about who you are and your accomplishments. Who you really are is more than enough. You do not need to embellish, and you don’t need to downplay.

17.  Take progress pictures of yourself. What I noticed once I started making more intentional choices and making positive changes in my life, I started to look different (no I’m not talking about the Botox) there was more life in my face, and I started to look healthier. When you start making your mental health a priority and treating yourself with the care and respect you deserve, you will change. It is so encouraging to look at progress photos to see how far you’ve come.

18.  Stop waiting for someone to help you. No one is coming to show you how to change your life. No one is coming to get you up at 4:00 am to get your workout done, no one is coming to pick you up for your therapist appointment. Don’t rely on a partner, a parent, a sibling or a friend. There have been so many times in my life that I was stuck in a holding pattern created by my own psychosis. The only person who can make positive change in your life is you. It doesn’t matter if your spouse doesn’t get up at the same time you do, it doesn’t matter if your family doesn’t support you and your health goals. This should empower you. Time is going to pass whether or not you take action in your life. Do not wait. Do it now. Whatever “it” is, start today. Do not buy into the lie that you have time; years will pass, and you will wake up in the same place. Time is real, and it is moving.

19.  Do not compare yourself to anyone. Do not compare triumphs or traumas. When I went to art school, I went with my best friend. He taught me so much about art and we were inseparable. We lived together, dated, made art together, everything. We were truly infatuated with each other, and I thought we would always be in each other’s lives. One day I went to work, and when I came home, he was gone and I never heard from him again. Fast forward ten years, he has transitioned and is one of the most famous contemporary artists living today. She has been on Forbes 30 Under 30, had full articles written about her in the New York Times. Her work is incredible (it always was) and it is really hard not to compare myself to everything she has accomplished. I’m not saying I was ever as talented as her, but it is hard to not feel less than about myself. I’m sharing this because I think it’s important. It’s ok to admit to feeling bad about yourself sometimes. Being honest about how we feel is freeing and helps us explore, understand and process the hurt in us that makes us compare ourselves to other people. The comparison game will leave you feeling empty and lost. When you feel yourself starting to compare yourself to someone else’s life, sit with the emotion, notice it and let it go. Everyone is on the planet for different reasons, and everyone has their own struggles. We never know what people are really going through.

20.  Ask for help. While no one is going to fix your life for you, it is imperative that you ask for/seek professional help if you need it. A lot of times we think our problems are unsolvable and that no one can help us. Do not let hopeless thinking keep you from reaching out to someone for help. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, there are so many free resources and hotlines out there to help you. I’ve included a list below.

Mental Health and Addiction Support in Dallas

 Mental Health Emergency  Dial 988

Chat online at 988lifeline.org

I’ve included my actual therapist and psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist:

Lisa K. Clayton

206 Miron Drive

Southlake, Texas 76092

(817) 424 3333

Does not accept insurance.

$140 per session

In most cases you will only see he every three months.

Therapist:

Debra Moore

Never Too Late Counseling

4925 Greenville Ave #570

Dallas, Texas 75206

(972) 345 7998

$160 a session

Does not accept insurance.

Low-Cost Therapists:

Alma

Helloalma.com

Better Help

Betterhelp.com

(i HAVE USED BETTER HELP AND THE EXPERIENCE WAS POSITIVE).

Grow Therapy

Growtherapy.com

Open Path

Openpathcollective.com

Domestic Violence Shelter:

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799 7233

Genesis Womens Shelter

Genesis Womens Shelter offers an emergency shelter and support for victims of domestic violence.

(214) 946 4357

2023 Lucas Dr.

Dallas, Texas 75219

Detox:

Homeward Bound

Dallas Main Campus:

5300 University Hills Boulevard

Dallas, Texas 75241

(214) 941 3500

The lobby is open for intake weekdays 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, you need a driver’s license, underwear, socks and a shirt. Detox lasts five to seven days.